The countdown to Eurovision 2013 starts here…

We’re now just a few weeks away from the silliest music contest in – let’s be honest – the world. As promised a few weeks ago, we’re going to be offering thumbnail portraits of all the acts taking part, and offering our view on how well we think they’ll do.

Bearing in mind, we will be RESPONDING LIVE  on our sister blog, It’s on the Telly, Stupid during the grand final on May 18th. So, in alphabetical order then, we go, beginning with:

Armenia

Dorians – Lonely Planet

Not a bad tune, in English with shades of ‘Heal the World’, but without the need for a sick bucket. Strangely, the lead singer’s eyebrows are a big distraction. He’s too hairy for his own good. The rest of the band look like four blokes he roped in down the pub…

Austria

Natália Kelly – Shine

Yawn. Pretty girl, English lyrics, lots of warbling in an utterly forgettable song. Even when she reminds us over and over that she’s “still alive and breathing”. More’s the pity, love, more’s the pity.

Azerbaijan

Farid Mammadov – Hold Me

If points were given out for earnest delivery, then this chap and his extreeeeeemely tight jeans would win, hands down. As it is, his plea of “hold me!” sounds just a bit desperate for us… Not a bad song though.

Belarus

Alyona Lanskaya – Solayoh

You have to admire anyone who can rock the sex-worker look. Sadly, even the sight of Ms Lanskaya tottering about in platform stilettos with her underwear hanging out doesn’t prevent this from being rubbish. It’ll probably romp to victory.

Belgium

Roberto Bellarosa – Love Kills

This chap really wants to look like Jared Leto from Thirty Seconds to Mars, but ruins it by insisting on having Justin Bieber’s silly hair. Bless. He’s desperate to be intense and serious, but we’re having none of it. He’s from Belgium, for heaven’s sake.

Bulgaria

Elitsa Todorova, Stoyan Yankulov – Samo Shampioni (Only Champions)

Yay! A bagpipe makes its first appearance. Well, whatever the Bulgarian equivalent is. Oh, and the singer is either twins, or the special effects people have been at work in the promo video. It’s hard to tell. More importantly, there’s a man with a mullet…

Croatia

Klapa s mora – Mižerja

Oh lovely. There’s nothing like some uplifting male harmonies – though this is closer to Il Divo or Blake than Take That. This lot have gone one further – literally – there are six of them. Nice song, but it’s too good for the likes of this.

Cyprus

Despina Olympiou – An Me Thimasai

What IS it with women and wind machines at Eurovision? This one appears to have her own portable one. Doesn’t make up for a slow, rather dreary song. Unless her dress does something spectacular on the night, this one’s a duffer.

More profiles will be posted here in the coming days, and why not join us on May 18th for the grand final?

See you soon…

 

 

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